21 Fools

#TwitterBoyzz via @IAmHandled

Written by Kaumudi

Above 18 - Dil Dosti aur Zindagi

July, 2011.

I rushed towards the train with fast steps.  Will I be able to catch it? No.

They say if something has to go wrong, it will. I stood still, looking at the train. It moved away from the crowded platform. Yesterday was a bad day, and even this day didn’t start on a good note. I slipped my hand into the pocket to take out my cell and pass time on Twitter till the next train arrived.

I tweeted, “Here is the big news. I broke up yesterday. And I missed my 7:27 local!”

Boarded the next train.

Reached the station and walked all the way to my college with thoughts of last night. Received a message from my school friend when I was immersed in some deep thoughts. “Sweets, having fun reading the replies of your tweets?”

My fingers rushed to open the twitter app. Perplexed, I saw 22 mentions, an increase in 23 followers and so many new friends who were worried about my break up. Huh? Who were they? My mentions tab was being spammed by followers, few consoling, few advising and the blatant ones flirting! To my surprise, my follower count kept increasing by a considerable number within a few hours. It looked like more than me; it was them who were affected by the event. In a positive way, perhaps. And why wouldn’t it? They got a new ball on the pool table to pot.

July, 2010

Twitter was the talk of the town those days. A year back, I guess. And it is increasingly becoming the “trend” out casting  Facebook.

I always thought it was a place for businessmen, celebrities and those big names we just hear or read about, until I got to know even a friend had an account on it. So, soon I joined it too.

Days, weeks, and months passed. I tweeted about anything and everything like all tweeters do. Right from what I ate to what I wore to where I was to what music I was listening to (how boring!). People followed and all I wondered was <Are they following me for the shit I’m writing?>. Who cares? Everyone on Twitter tweeted to gain followers, even I did. The blah-blahness continued and amazingly the rise in followers too!

Initially, my profile picture was that of the twitter bird (which now has been replaced by eggs!) and I respect only those followers who followed me then, solely on the basis of my tweets. Later, I assume every new follower was a result of my display picture. But again, who cares? We all want followers and bag the “twitter celeb” tag. Or maybe not all, but most do.

Twitter is an addiction for most and past time for few. In the course of this one year, I came across some people who tweeted with every breath they took and even those who just considered it as an alternative. And then there were those wretched ones who tried not to show their desperate side. Sadly, they’re still trying. There is nowhere on this earth where you can escape madcaps. Call them trolls or dead ducks, you find them everywhere. And it’s easier for them to grab hold of you on Twitter. No friend requests, no acceptance, nothing. Just hit the follow button, and BAM!

“How it all started?” is never a question. On a site like twitter, a mere reply to your tweet or an RT can start a never-ending conversation. Never-ending because you reply to them once and expecting a reply another time, they tweet to you again. Tweet-Reply-Repeat. I’m not considering the trolls in particular but even the aam janta of twitter. They do just what is expected out of them – run in the direction of a good DP. This is one thing that the social media excels in.  Consider any social networking site, one thing uniform you will notice about all of them is girls trying to get rid of the rotten lot. And unfortunately, the lot is huge! Identifying them is a relatively tough task. Not all of them come with a tag of desperate written on their foreheads. The ways of approaching vary with the number of people who approach. 198 people, 198 ways of approaching.

There are those shameless ones that use cheesy lines to impress girls. “Hey, Hi cutie!” “Hey Sexy, can u follow me?!”, those who can be ignored and blocked without apprehensions. I mean really, you don’t need to do anything more to be blocked. Just so effortless. More when they troll around and threaten you to be swept off your feet. The only option left then is to report spam! If you see these tweeters tweeting, their job on twitter is so evident and restricted to only messing around with handles. It’s as if they come with a target of pissing off 52 girls a day. This can be the dangerous or the very dangerous category. Thankfully, I haven’t come across many of these kind.

I’m sure majority of the girls must’ve come across the On-Your-Face category. “Have I told you already how beautiful you look?” “Hadn’t you been committed, I would’ve asked you out by now!” These guys are not at all hesitant about the girl’s response. All they know is *I have to do any damn thing to impress the girl! Even if it’s a lie!*. They will leave no opportunity to reply, RT or favourite your tweet. They just want their presence to be felt all the fuckin’ time! This is basically a shameless lot that will suck to you like a bat! The more you shoo them away, the more they tell you how beautiful you look even when you’re angry! I mean duh, get a hint already! The toughest to handle, these!

Then there are those who believe in the Tortoise strategy. Go slow! Keep giving the girl subtle hints from time to time. These guys suppose that rushing into something would possibly irritate the girl. Sensible ones, these. Being straightforward can be irritating at times, just like the category above. We’re not always looking forward to be flirted around with, especially by random strangers.  Unhurried and untroubled, they manage to impress the girls the most. They are a sober, Even though their main motive isn’t to get along with girls, they keep trying sluggishly.

When I say, “Girls don’t like to be flirted around with.”, I feel it’s majorly the girl who is responsible for how she is treated.  If your Timeline knows it doesn’t have to mess with you, you’re doing it right. Just blaming men won’t solve the problem. It is *YOU* who has the leash. Control the dog! It is important for girls to be stern and let the others know what they dislike. If they fail to do so, they lose all the right to blame men. If men are at fault, women too are!

While dealing with the tortoise category, girls should be very cautious. What you convey to the guy is important. Using sugar coated words might give him a wrong impression. Most of the time, it might give him hallucinations of you being interested too. If you are not willing to indulge in any kind of flirtatious conversation or the hints given by him are most evident, make it clear before the guy goes on falling and you don’t plan to hold him. Be straight forward and truthful. It’s not always the guy’s fault. The girl should be dealing in a sensible way too.

8th January, 2012.

I kept the phone with a huge smile on my face. It had been eons I felt this way. The feeling was overwhelming and I wanted to shout, announce and share my happiness with the virtual family. I didn’t think long before opening my TwApp.

I tweeted. “I am in love again!”

And I slept.

9th January 2012.

8 AM. 18 mentions.

Some sarcastic, some half-hearted congratulatory ones and the surprising part was, I was back to my old follower count. There was a decrease of 11 followers.

I had completed my circle of Twitter. #LikeACircleOfLife

At the end of it all, I won’t deny the fact that I found some really amazing people out there.

With cons, come pros too! Thanks to twitter, I know a new set of boys now.. The Twitter Boyzz.